


One Direction In Different Universes

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Comfort, Fluffy, Gay, Harry-centric, Left out, Liam-centric, Louis-centric, M/M, Multi, Niall-centric, Rape, Sad, Sad Niall, Sweet Harry, Zayn-centric, depressed, non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-03 12:50:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2851379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, basically, these are going to be one-shots and you are going to send me some prompts.<br/>I really like to write angst, so don't be shy and ask me for some bad stuff (not drugs xD).<br/>But I can't promise you that it will be good :D</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. But lonely sadness is still the worst sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Can you do a OT5 Relationship where one of the boys (Louis,Zayn or Harry if it's possible) feels left out because the others kind of ignore him for some reason and he doesn't know what he did with much angst and maybe crying and Happy End? Xxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to MissMalik for this prompt :)  
> Hope this is what you wanted. Sorry if you don't like it..

(Zayn-Centric)  
Zayn doesn’t know what has been going on lately. He isn’t sure whether it is just his imagination – he can surely be paranoid sometimes – or whether it is real and the boys are quite obviously ignoring him (for whatever reason).  
So Zayn feels sad and betrayed and scared and anxious. But most importantly, he feels hurt. He doesn’t really know what he has done and honestly, he is scared of finding out.  
He just feels like he has done something wrong, but nobody has told him what and everyone is just choosing to ignore him instead of telling the truth. And he hates it. He really does.  
He just likes to know the truth.  
They are on stage – all five of them – and singing like there is no tomorrow. Zayn feels content and happy because this is what he has always wanted to do, but then he notices the distant look each of the boys is giving him and suddenly he realises how he always is away from them and they are four whilst he is one and it hurts again and he tries not to show it although that doesn’t make it better.  
And then, all the screams of the fans don’t feel like music to his ears anymore, but they are suffocating him and the pounding in his head gets stronger with every passing second. In his head, he goes through all of the songs they are yet to play and realizes that there are only three of them left. Never in his life has he felt happier to finally be able to leave stage again. He just wants this evening to be over and forget it. And maybe with it the whole last few weeks.  
In the corner of his eye, he can see Harry and Niall hugging and notices how the screams get louder and tries his hardest not to roll his eyes at them and instead concentrates on his singing because that is what he is here for. He shouldn’t fool around with the others, but try to entertain the fans with his voice. After all, that is what has brought him so far.  
He is right in his solo of ‘Story Of My Life’ when he notices all of the other boys forming a group hug at the other end of the stage without seeming to wait for him to join them nor leaving him some room. After a couple of moments, he looks away again and focuses on the lyrics in his head before belting them out, them cutting like knives into his skin because his voice feels like it is too rough and scratchy and flat and he probably sounds like a dying sheep.  
He blinks to stop the tears from flowing, but his vision is still blurry and he hates himself for being so damn weak.  
___  
He can hear them laughing and talking even though the door is closed and he tries his hardest to block them out and concentrate on himself.  
Immediately after the concert, he went to the changing room to get changed as quickly as possible. When he heard the other boys coming, he grabbed his clothes as fast as he could and disappeared into the bathroom to avoid any contact with them and to not have to see them ignoring him.  
So that’s how he ends up alone in a small and crumpled bathroom where there is no place for him to change clothes while the other boys end up in a chitchat right next to him without ever questioning where he went to. At first, he tries to convince himself that they just think he forgot something and is going to be back in some moments, but then moments turn into minutes and they still haven’t said anything about him and he feels his heart break a little bit further and then there is this ache in his chest and it is not pleasant at all and he wants to cry, but doesn’t let himself to.  
They are talking about the concert and how they all enjoyed it, but still nobody says anything about him, like they are only a band consisting of four people and not Harry, Louis, Liam, Niall AND Zayn.  
He has to wait another ten minutes until they finally leave and only then; he comes out of the bathroom. He doesn’t want them to know he ‘spied’ on them and the only thing they are going to talk about with him is how he messed up all of his solos when they even talk with him. And with that option, he prefers silence and not being with them.  
He goes to the tour bus as fast as possible, but he still sees the others waiting impatiently when he arrives. If he didn’t know better, he’d think that they have already waited for many minutes. He tries not to show his anger and keep calm.  
“Finally,” Louis says when he spots him. “Took you long enough, mate. Next time move your little legs a little bit faster, aye, Zayn?” Louis gives him a pat on his shoulder which hurts way too much to seem friendly and the words are harsh and spat and the mate seems like venom coming out of Louis’ mouth.  
Zayn tries not to cringe. His throat is closing up and he doesn’t trust himself to speak. Instead he simply nods and keeps his gaze down. He hears Louis sigh and that is all the confirmation he needs to have to know that he is unwelcome. He sees Louis’ feet moving and then he is gone and Zayn leans onto the wall to keep himself from spilling some tears because what in God’s name has he done?  
He just doesn’t understand.  
When he comes to his bunk, he immediately wants to jump onto it and cuddle with the covers until he falls asleep, but there lays his phone on the pillow and then he remembers home and Gramps and the anniversary and he feels even sadder if it is possible.  
If somebody would have been next to him, he would have excused himself, but there was nobody so he just went outside again to phone his family.  
Before he has pressed any numbers, there already is a big fat lonely tear rolling down his face, stopping at his chin to drop to the ground.  
His fingers are shaking and he has problems with restraining the sobs that are threatening to escape.  
His mother picks up at the fourth ring. She sounds sad, “Zayn.”  
“Hey, Mum,” he feels his voice shake and crack. He tries to ignore it.  
“I did as you told me. There are some dandelions on her grave. They are right next to her gravestone.”  
“Thanks...” He doesn’t know what to say else. His throat was closing up again and he just wanted to have his Gramps back. He missed her so much.  
“It is no problem, really Zayn. But is everything alright? I know her anniversary of death always makes you sad because you two were really close, but normally it wasn’t that bad. Is something going on? Do you want to tell me about it?”  
He doesn’t know how, but his Mum always manages to sense when something is wrong and he feels down. But still, he can’t tell her. After all, the boys have to have a reason to be so angry at him. He decides to lie although it is not right. “It’s just… everything is so much lately and I just miss you guys and there never seems to be a break and all I want is to come home and relax for one day.”  
There are some moments of silence before Patricia speaks again, but all he can her is worry and love and admiration. “Oh, Zayn… My poor boy. Do you want me to talk with management? You should really come home. The girls are missing you.”  
“No, it is okay. I mean, soon it is over and then I will be back again and yeah … I’ll survive it.” Zayn lightly chuckles. He tries to indicate that everything is alright.  
Patricia doesn’t sound too convinced. “Well, if you say so.” There is a short pause. “Sorry, but I have to go now, Zayn. I have to pick up Safaa from a friend of hers.”  
“Oh, okay…” He tries to hide the hurt in his voice. “Goodbye then, I guess.”  
She doesn’t even wait for him to end his sentence and just hangs up.  
The first tear falls even before the screen goes blank.  
___ The next two weeks aren’t any different: the boys are still ignoring him and tour is still going on, the food is still shitty, his mind still a mess and the tears still aren’t able to stop flowing. He just wants to know why. His sadness has now become a part of him and he doesn’t know how to make it go away. Plus, Paul seems to get sadder with every passing day and he doesn’t really know why. Maybe he, too, is disappointed in Zayn. Yes, that must be it. Zayn doesn’t know what else could be the problem. He is currently at rehearsal in Charlotte for their fourth last concert of the tour. He sings the last note of ‘Fireproof’ along with the other boys when one of the workers told them that they now have lunch break. Zayn tries to dodge and make his way out to maybe smoke a cigarette and enjoy the silence, but then there is Paul’s arm over his shoulder and he guides him right to the cafeteria. “Wouldn’t want you to skip eating again, would we, Zayn?” He decides not to say anything and act nonchalantly as Paul drags him along. A few minutes later, they are at a table at the very corner of the room and Zayn is happy that he can only face Paul and not have to stare at the other boys with longing eyes. Paul still seems to be quite sad and down about something, but Zayn doesn’t know whether he is in the position to ask about it. For now, he decides not to say anything. And when Paul sighs, he can’t keep silent anymore. “Okay, Paul. What’s going on? I know you have been down for quite a while now.” Paul looks up surprised. “Ah, you know,” he makes a pause,” it just fills me with sadness that these are our last days and then it’s going to be over, you know? And we had such a good time and I am going to miss it and, yeah…” Zayn tries to stifle his laughter. Paul has never felt like this before, did he? Sure, they weren’t going to see each other for quite some time, but that was the past tours too. So what’s the problem? Zayn smiles when he answers, “But, Paulie, this isn’t the first time, is it? We’ve had plenty of breaks before, didn’t we? And sure, you have survived it too.” Paul looks disbelieving at him before he looks slightly angry. “Are you forgetting it? This is my last tour, remember?” He feels like his world is stopping for a moment and then it starts again and is too fast and he doesn’t get on and his heart sinks into his stomach. He barely finds his voice. “Wh-what?” “Didn’t the boys tell you? I can’t miss my children growing up any longer. I haven’t seen Ally for three months and every time I see her again, I feel like I have missed all of her life. She gets bigger every time I come home.” Zayn really tries to hide his surprise and acts in favour of the boys. He tries to chuckle lightly, it sounds like a dying whale, but he ignores it. “Ah, sorry. Haha, I seriously just forgot. I’m sorry.” He sees Paul rolling his eyes, before he hears a “whatever” and Paul stands up, leaving him alone again, sadder than ever. ___ The concert was a full blast and Zayn felt quite good while being on stage, for once being able to forget about all of his worries. But now that it is over, he wants to confront the boys about everything that has been going on lately, but most importantly, why they didn’t tell him about Paul. He sits on the couch in the changing room when they enter it laughing and stumbling a bit. At first, they don’t notice him, but when they do, they immediately grow quiet and start looking in other directions. He decides to speak up. He doesn’t care anymore. He just wants to know why. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks and can see each of the boys flinch, but nobody turns around nor answers him. He asks the question again, his tone icy. Louis decides to answer. His laugh sounds strangled and forced. “Didn’t tell you what, mate?” “Didn’t tell me that Paul quits.” His anger soon becomes fury and he speaks onwards. “And why did you ignore me? And didn’t even have the balls to tell me what this is going on about? You ignored me for a MONTH, four weeks, 28 days. And you never told me what this is all about. I mean, sure, I can be quite annoying and I know it, but ignore me without telling? Seriously, guys? Who do you think I am? I am your band mate, you used to call me a brother of yours, but what are we now? Strangers? People who hate each other? I cannot believe you.” With each of his word, they boys shrink back more and more until they look like ants and Zayn like an elephant. “What do you mean, Zayn? Don’t act like you didn’t know about this. After all, you are the one why Paul leaves,” Harry says with innocent eyes. “I- what? Where do you want to know that from? He told me it is because of his family and that he is missing seeing Ally and the little bud growing up.” “Mate, what are you talking about? He told us it was because of you.” His heart feels like it is breaking even more. Tears are forming in his eyes. “You can’t be serious, guys. Do you hate me so much now? What did I do to deserve this?” Even though he hates nothing more than crying in front of others, he cannot help himself but let the tears flow and paint his cheeks. “We don’t hate you, Zayn. We never could,” Liam butts in. “But although we don’t know what you have done to Paul, we cannot accept it. So we decided to give you the silent treatment. This wasn’t supposed to go on so long.” Zayn lets himself fall onto the couch. He is on full crying now. “I can’t believe th-“ He gets interrupted by the door opening and Paul entering the room. “Guys, what ta - Zayn, what’s the matter? Guys? What did you do?” That’s the thing Zayn loves about Paul. He is always so protecting and caring. “Well, he can’t accept the fact that we just told him the real reason you are leaving,” Niall says and decides to finally participate in the conversation. Paul looks quite confused. Zayn can’t blame him. “What real reason? Now you guys are confusing me.” “Can’t you remember? You even told us that Zayn is the reason.” “Wha-,” and then Paul seems to catch on. His laugh sounds dry. “That was a joke, guys. Did you really think Zayn could be the reason? What’s gone into you guys?” Zayn is still crying, but finally lifts his head up and gives Paul a small and timid smile. Harry is the first one to apologise. “Oh my god, Zayn, I am so sorry.” He seems to be close to tears now, too. “I didn’t know. I am sorry. Sorry.” And then there are two arms engulfing him. And two turn into four, which turn into six and then eight. He faintly hears the door closing, but that’s not what matters. His brothers are back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shitty ending.. and beginning, and the whole story ^^  
> My twitter acc (hehe): https://twitter.com/silentlygoing  
> Kik: fieberhaft


	2. When I look at the stars, I know they'll never shine as bright as you do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: An au where Louis is in the mafia and married to Harry. He tries to protect Harry from the creeps but they still manage to get to him (non con?), Harry tries to hide it from Louis, but Louis eventually finds out and goes crazy at the men who hurt Harry. Thank you so, so much if you write this! :) x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it Smay, sorry for the delay! Ao3 isn't really for me lol xD

(Harry-Centric)  
Harry loves his husband, he really does, but the fact that Louis is working for the mafia has always been a disturbing factor. Louis is the sweetest guy Harry has ever met -with him giving Harry flowers and chocolate and baking him muffins and getting him coffee and always paying on their dates and making sure Harry feels like the world's most loved person and just being there for him in general-, but it is not rare that Harry doubts their relationship because there is this worry in the pit of his stomach every single day that Louis will maybe not come back home and get kidnapped or molested or shot or maybe even raped and that he will suffer from a pain so big that his heart would never really be able to heal from it and Harry simply hates it. Louis is the love of his life and he cannot imagine ever waking up without him, but every so often the image is planted into his head without him wanting to.  
To be honest, it has not always been like this. He didn't always have to worry. In he first year of them being together, Louis never uttered a word about a mafia or what he was actually doing, he always told Harry that it was a secret and he would find out soon enough.  
And Harry decided not to be bothered by it and not ask again because Louis would tell him when he was ready, wouldn't he? And then he they shared a couple of kisses when they met and Louis asked him to be his boyfriend with some tulips in his hand because he knew these were Harry's favourite and when Harry practically jumped into his arms and hugged him so tight he hadn't hugged anyone before he didn't mind that he did not really know much more than the fact that Louis' last name was Tomlinson. He knew enough to say yes, he thought.  
And then, after six months of being a couple they moved together and Harry would feel a little bit weird because Louis did really not have any pictures of his family or anything else that told something about his past or the fact that the only number he had savoured on his mobile phone was Harry's. And in the morning he would leave so early that Harry would always wake up with cold sheets and a broken heart and sometimes Louis would not come back for days and the only message Harry would get would be the words 'can be a bit later, sry babes' in form of an SMS.  
But he tries not to think about it. Because when Louis is there he is the sweetest of all and kisses him until he feels dizzy and giddy and giggles from time to time without a real reason. And he asks what Harry has done while he was away like he actually is interested in the boring stories Harry tells and he always makes him food and gives him foot massages and tells him he loves him more often than necessary.  
And after a while it feltokay to Harry to not know because that must be how Louis was, a person who doesn't really tell much of himself. And it was not that getting information about Louis was be the reason of his existence, no, Harry could live well with the little facts he knew about Louis.  
But then it was hard for him to believe in Louis when it was a sweet night on early November with him snuggled up to Louis with blankets over them and pillows scattered around them. They were lazily making out and a movie was playing in the background and Harry felt complete for the first time since long ago.  
They were shortly before falling asleep - at least he was -, but he could still feel Louis' hand in his one and he could feel the electricity rushing through him because he got to spend time with the one he truly loves and his heart was slowly beating in his chest like a satisfied animal.  
And then there was a knock on the door. It startled both him and Louis and he could feel Louis' grip on his hands tighten. They both got up and slowly went to the door, a little bit nervous because who would knock on their door at two am?  
It was Louis who decided it was okay to open the door. He grabbed the handle and pulled and immediately a big and muscular man came in with a face so sharp and threatening that it made Harry want to run away. He jumped a little when he saw the man and hoped nobody noticed.  
However, the man paid no attention to him, he was focused on Louis and said, "They got Jeff. 'Am not sure but I think he's already dead. We gotta get his corpse, we have to do this for him."  
Louis said nothing, just gave a curt nod and went for his sneakers. Harry however was having none of it. He didn't understand. Somebody was dead? "I - what? Where are you going, Louis?" Louis was by now grabbing his coat and putting it on. "Who is that man? And who is dead? Don't go now. Please."  
Louis turned around and looked apologetically at him. Harry already knew the answer. "You trust me, right?" He didn't wait for an answer. "I promise I will explain everything in the morning, okay? Just trust me with this one thing. And then all the secrets are over and I will tell you everything that you want to know. Okay?"  
Harry's throat was dry. He could only nod.  
Needless to say, Harry didn't sleep at all that night. Louis came back in the early morning hours with a busted lip and exhausted features, but he still brightened up when he saw Harry.  
Harry welcomed him with a hug and forgave him for all the secrets and lies because the fact that Louis was there again was enough.  
And then Louis told him how three years ago, when he was twenty-three, he had finished uni, he couldn't find a job and had a fight with his family because he finally had the guts to tell them he was not into girls and could not possibly go to them for money and every day, money got less and his master in psychology didn't bring him anything either because nobody really wanted him and then, one late night he was in this bar again - guillotine - and there was this frightening man with a look of pure hatred to everyone who even glanced at him and Louis still sat next to him because he was so down and just wanted to have a beer at the bar. And then they got into conversation and when Louis told the man he had a degree in psychology the man suddenly was grinning and saying, "You're just the right man for a job I got." And Louis remembers having agreed to it because although he did not know what the job was about he was desperate and did not want to end up on the streets and figured it could not be so bad.  
And then he suddenly got a gun and had to threaten guys to give him money because they had debts they owed the mafia he was suddenly working for without really realising it. And the man - Thomas - told him he was good for them because he knew how people would react and could possible see when someone lied and just fitted perfectly in the team and Louis saw it as an opportunity and thought it would only be temporary until he finally found a real job in a clinic or something like that and until then this would have to do.  
And then weeks turned into months and a year was over and he still didn't find a job and after another six months he finally stopped searching because he finally saw it was useless and then he met Harry and thought that he needed good money to make him happy and spoil him and that is how he never quit and after some time you get to know some secrets, he said, secrets you should not know and that makes you have to keep on doing the job because you cannot possibly quit now and if you would there would be some bad consequences and his boss knew how to make a death look like an accident and he was quite scared of it and so he just kept on doing it.  
And even though Louis was not the person to cry the tears still rolled down his cheeks these moments and Harry was so stunned he could not say anything to it and just kept silent.  
He was quite scared then, he remembers, but nonetheless he stayed with Louis because he thought he could not survive without him and he knew Louis did it just for him.  
Of course that did not mean that he liked it, but he decided he could maybe live with it.  
He also knew that it honestly pained Louis that he was with him and set him in danger every single day and Harry honestly appreciated it, but he thought he could look after himself perfectly fine.  
It also annoyed him that Louis did not really want to go outside with him because he thought that that way the enemies could see Louis with Harry and could get some ideas of for example kidnapping Harry to somehow get to the mafia, but Harry did not care about that. He only cared about Louis and spending time with him.  
It is a Thursday that something actually happens. Harry wakes up with nobody next to him (again) and he does not even feel bad about it anymore, he knows that Louis has to get up and do an important job and his heart only breaks a little when he notices that Louis is gone again.  
He is quite tired that day and so he only eats some cornflakes for breakfast and decides he could read a book and just enjoy a nice day at home. Well, at least morning. He has to go to college at two in the afternoon and go to his classes because he wants to finish college with a good degree and finally earn some money along with Louis and not let him alone do all the work. It honestly pains him because he feels so spoiled and like it seems like he only stays with Louis because of his money when it is everything else.  
So he keeps on studying his major in English in order for him to get a job somewhen and be able to pay Louis back everything he has ever done to him.

As Harry sits down on the couch with a book (To Kill a Mockingbird), he sighs a bit and smiles while thinking of Louis' face and what they could do when he gets home later on.  
He is really absorbed in the book and at first does not register the ring of the bell, but when the sound comes again, his ears pick up on it and he stands up, the book never leaving his hands.  
His feet are moving slowly and he really does not feel like having company right now or talking with anybody for that matter.  
The moment he opens the door he already wishes again he had not done it because the people in front of him are two of the ones he would have never wanted to see. He does not know them has never seen them before, but he already knows that they are from the other mafia which is in Doncaster - the bloodbrothers. They are both big and massive and the veins on their arms are really popping out and their faces are scarred and their eyes dark. They push into the living room and he can hear the door being closed again and he feels the sweat starting to form in his hands and he wants to say something, to scream, but nothing leaves his mouth.  
He makes a grab for his mobile phone in his pocket, but one the men sees through it and grabs his wrist in a tight way that is probably going to bruise and grabs his phone while not so accidentally grabbing and crushing his dick along the way.  
Harry tries to run away. He doesn't get far before an arm grabs him and he is crushed against a hard chest.  
"No, babe, that's the wrong way. We are here." The other man snickers. He feels like vomiting.  
"Pl-please," he barely finds his voice. "Let me go. I didn't do anything." His voice is not really above a whisper. He hates himself for being so damn weak.  
Now both men snicker. "Oh, honey, you aren't going anywhere. And it's not you who did anything, it's your oh so precious boyfriend, Louis Tomlinson."  
Harry's veins freeze and he fears for Louis' life. He tries to act nonchalantly. "I- I don't know who you are talking about. Who is that guy? Luke Trelawney? Never heard that name before."  
A hand grabs his throat and puts pressure on it. His eyes immediately begin to water. The voice behind him speaks up angrily. "Don't act like you don't know him, slut. That will only mean more trouble."  
The word slut cuts through him like knives. He is not a slut, he thinks. It hurts nonetheless. He decides to play nice, maybe they let him go that way. "I'm sorry," he mumbles.  
Snickers again. "Oh, it's alright, honey. I know you are a little bit scared, but there is no need to be, really. You'll probably end up enjoying it."  
The words send shivers down his spine. He already guesses what is going to come.  
"Please," he whispers again and tries to wriggle out of the tight grip. It is no use.  
And then the other man comes into his view and he suddenly unbuckles his belt and Harry already knows. He knows what is going to come.  
The man is grinning widely and it looks unhuman and like he is the devil himself and Harry looks away. And then the belt is around his wrists, tugging them closer together and making it unable for him to move them without anybody helping him.  
Tears form in his eyes. "No, please."  
A hand grabs his head and forces him to go down and go to his knees. He swallows hard.  
"Please."  
He hears it before he feels it. A stinging slap to his right cheek sends his head flying to the left. His ears ring. "Shut up, bitch. We don't want to hear anything from you. And don't you dare cry now."  
They are both unbuckling their jeans and soon they are landing along with their boxers in a pile on their shoes. Their cocks both spring free and looks angry red and veiny and thick and long and although he knows that there are going to be consequences, he still begins to cry.  
And only moments after the first tear slides down his cheek, gets really punched in the cheek which sends him backwards and makes his head hit tthe ground and his world gets black for some moments before he slowly regains conscience again.  
And then his hair already gets pulled and it hurts painfully and even more tears come and he wails a bit.  
"You're being way too noisy for my liking. I think we have to stuff his mouth, don't you think, Slash?"  
The other one nods immediately and grabs his cock to stuff it down Harry's throat. He whimpers.  
"And his eyes annoy me too. I don't want to see them anymore. Hang on, Slash. Just a moment and you'll get his mouth."  
The other one, Slash, grumbles but refrains from going near Harry's mouth. He is thankful for these moments.  
But soon enough, the bigger one slouches down and Harry already senses bad. He closes his eyes and then his shirt is ripped open. The man rips and tears until he has got a long stripe of cloth and you can see Harry's chest freely. He feels really exposed and even more tears come.  
And then his world gets dark and his curls get squished under the cloth and he whimpers because it hurts.  
His hair gets pulled not only a moment later and he cries out. The moment he opens his mouth a cock enters it. He gags immediately.  
"Don't you dare show teeth. Or there will be conesquences."  
He splutters and tries to hold back his teeth. It's hard, but somehow he manages. He fears more hits.  
A minute or so passes and the only sounds being heard are his splutters and his gagging. And then they murmur some words he can't hear and some seconds later he is sure he hears a click although nothing happens after that, so he guesses it was just his imagination.  
And then his hair gets pulled again and he has to stand up and the cock springs out of his mouth. He wants to spit but decides otherwise and swallows slowly. His jaw aches badly.  
"Stand up, slut. Time to move on. This bores me."  
He can practically see the man's smirk.  
And then his is ripped off and his boxers follow suitly and he stands in front of two strangers naked and feels so, so humiliated. He whimpers and even more tears find their way out of his eyes.  
His cock lays flats against his thighs and he can already feel the anger of the two men in front of him because of it.  
"Don't you like it, slut?" The voice sounds angry and suddenly his cock gets grabbed and pulled at. He cries out. His cock doesn't get hard at all. "Don't act like you don't know it, we know you do."  
The tears continue flowing and his cock still gets pulled at. From time to time, he cries out.  
After a while of only pulling, his cock suddenly feels pleasure and he goes pink. The hands aren't as tight and furious anymore and soon enough, his cock stands (not so) proudly in the air and yearns for more friction which it does not get.  
"Knew from the beginning that you were a real slut. Look how red and angry his dick looks, Slayer. He must be really excited, don't you think?"  
He hears a mhh as a response. And then he gets thrown onto the ground again so that his face is squished on the ground and his ass is in the air. He squeezes his eyes shut although he would not be able to see anything anyway.  
And then his arse suddenly gets spanked and he automatically moves forward although there is only more ground. His face starts hurting from the pressure.  
"Here, Slay, take the cam. I wanna have some fun now."  
Harry's heart stops at these words. A camera? He feels even more humiliated and wants the ground to swallow him whole. This must be a dream, he thinks. It has to be. There is no way this is really happening.  
And then he hears what must be Slash spitting into his palm and rubbing his cock with it. Harry tries to get out of it. "Please, don't do it," he sobs. "Please, I beg you, please..." His words gets stuck in his lungs when a blunt and raw pain erupts in his arse.  
He screams loudly. The pain is too intense for him to do anything else. And the cock disappears further and further in his hole and the pain only intensifies although that seems impossible and he screams and screams and screams and suddenly he hears a clonk and the world goes dark.  
___  
Harry awakes to strong and intense pains his whole body endures, it is excruciating. Although he opens his eyes, nothing can be seen and he feels weirdly freaked out. He tries moving to see what is happening but he cannot move his hands either. He feels something over them, like a really thick rope.  
And then he suddenly remembers it. He remembers the two guys - Slash and Slayer - and all the horrible things they did to him. He swallows hardly and tries not to freak out. They may still be here. He lies completely still and lets his ears hear whether someone is still there or not. After a minute or two he is sure that he is alone in the house. He breathes out a sigh of relief and tries to take of the blindfold.  
He moves his head over the ground for about five minutes until his sight finally is clear.  
All the time he tries not to move anything under his navel because the pain already is strong enough.  
When he is finally able to see something and all the light does not blind him anymore he looks around and sees he is not lying far away from the couch in the living room. He wonders what time it is.  
His hands are still bound and he does not know how to free them, the leather of the belt seems pretty thick and he does not want Louis to know, not now and not ever. He fears his reaction. His body goes all rigid and nervous and he feels anxiety bubbling in his stomach. He know that he did not want it and this could be counted as rape but he still feels like he cheated on Louis. And the thought makes him want to vomit. He can even feel the dried cum in and on his arse. He feels nasty and like he is never going to be clean again and for the first time ever he feels like he is not good enough. Not good enough for life, not good enough for Louis and not good enough for love.  
Somehow, after maybe half an hour he somehow manages to loosen the belt and after that it is easy. His hands hurt a bit (a lot) after that because the belt is still tight and he squeezes them through it, but it is worth it. Louis should not find him like this. he doesn't deserve this.  
Standing up feels like torture, but Harry still does it. He scrunches his face up in disgust of himself. He looks around and sees his clothes laying scattered on the floor and Slash's belt is still here and he wants to throw it away but then Louis will see it, so he quickly hides it under the couch for when he has found a place where to throw it away.  
His ripped shirt goes to the trash can and his jeans and boxers to the washer because Louis would certainly ask if so many clothes went missing. And when he looks into the living room again and everything looks kind of okay, he feels a little bit better and only opens the window in fear of the smell of sex being in it.  
And then he practically runs to the bathroom to finally shower because he feels so disgusted by himself and wants to rip off his skin and replace it with a new one. It is all too much.  
While being in the shower, the first thing he sees when he looks down is red. He must have bled at the intrusion. He scrubs his skin and turns the shower to the hottest degree possible just to feel his skin different. He rubs and rubs and rubs until he does not really feel anything apart from a constant pain anymore and when he steps out of the shower and looks at himself in the mirror, his skin is glowinng in a not so pretty pink.  
His hair hangs on his forehead with water dripping down and he freezes but he does nothing different than looking at himself. His mouth is slightly open and his breathing is ragged.  
He asks himself what is going to happen now.  
Will he ever be able to look Louis in the eye again?  
He surely hopes so.  
He always loved looking in the pretty blue that reminded him of the sea and in a way of freedom.  
___  
When Louis comes home, Harry is lying in their bed and tries to sleep; key word: tries. He has been lying there for approximately two hours and he does not seem to be able to close his eyes for longer than five seconds because the images always start once the only thing he sees are his eyelids.  
He hears Louis call out his name, but doesn't dare answer. He fears not being worth enough. He can't look Louis in the eye anymore. He does not want to look at him again. It will always remind him of how much of a failure he is.  
And then Louis is suddenly standing in the room and is looking down at him with his brows furrowed and lips pulled in a light frown.  
"Are you alright, Haz?"  
Harry closes his eyes. He is not sure whether he can deal with this. He slowly nods.  
Louis coos at him and comes nearer. He sits at the edge of the bed, Harry can feel his warmth. He holds himself back when he feels the desire to snuggle up to Louis come up.  
"Okay, honey, what's up? Don't try to lie to me."  
Harry barely finds his voice. He looks at his hands while they play with each other. "It's nothing, really."  
He can feel Louis getting a little bit annoyed and then he is sure he hears the smallest of sigh and Louis says, "Well, if you say so. I will find it out somewhen."  
And then Louis suddenly is over him and wraps his arms around him and starts cuddling him and giving him the warmth he needed all the time.  
Harry relaxes and smiles a bit. "I love you," he whispers and hopes that Louis will remember this when he finds out.  
"I love you too, Harry. You don't know half of it, really."  
Harry decides against saying anything.  
He closes his eyes and two minutes later he is fast asleep.  
___  
Harry knows that Louis suspects something, but he cannot help but act differently. It is so hard to look Louis in the eyes now. He always goes to bed early and never really seems to leave it and has called in sick in college because he just does not feel like it anymore.  
He does not feel like anything anymore.  
Memories of them keep haunting him every time he just closes his eyes and at night, more than one nightmares haunt him. And he can't even tell himself that they aren't real because they are. They already have happened.  
He is currently in the kitchen trying to get something in his stomach because he notices his clothes are getting baggier with every passing day and he does not want to end like a skeleton.  
He is taking his fourth bite when the door suddenly gets thrown open and an angry Louis enters the house. Harry's first thought is, shit, he knows. His heartbeat immediately picks up and his body begins to sweat all over. He already plans all the apologies in his head which he knows he is never going to use.  
His mouth is suddenly really dry and he cannot swallow anymore.  
Louis soon enters the kitchen and when he spots Harry, he goes over to him and the furious look never leaves his face. And then it suddenly changes into a really sad one. "Why didn't you tell me?", he said and went to his knees in front of Harry.  
Harry is dumbfounded. Were they thinking about the same thing? "Wh-what?"  
Louis' hands find Harry's ones and intertwine and make Harry feel better again. "Why didn't you tell me what happened?" Tears spring into Louis' eyes. Harry has never seen him like this before.  
When Harry doesn't answer, Louis speaks on. "Gosh, Harry. What were you thinking? I am so sorry. I should have read the signs. Especially with me having a degree in psychology. I am so sorry. Please forgive me."  
Harry is totally sure Louis talking about something else. "What are you talking about, Loui? Nothing happened." His voice shakes a little bit.  
Louis is now really crying. "Harry," he whispers. "Harry, I saw the video."  
At first, Harry doesn't know what Louis is talking about until he remembers that the two men were talking about a camera. They couldn't possibly?, he thinks. And then his mind goes completely blank. No,no,no, he chants in his head. this can't be happening. This isn't real. He doesn't notice that he is whispering 'no,no,no' until Louis grabs his face and tells him that it is going to be okay.  
"I am so sorry, Harry. I don't want to know what you were thinking these last few days. I am so sorry, seriously. I hope someday you will be able to forgive me. But seriously, why didn't you tell me?"  
Harry nervously swallows and looks down at his hands. "You know," by now the tears are coming too. "What I did was practically cheating and -"  
Louis does not let him continue. "Shush, Harry. How can you think that? You weren't cheating, that was... rape. And you know it. You couldn't have prevented it from happening. I saw the guys and how big and strong they are. Oh Harry, seriously, you have to believe me. It is not your fault, okay? Believe me."  
Harry doesn't believe Louis, but he still nods. He wants to believe it.  
"I love you, okay? Never forget that."  
Harry nods and with that Louis kisses him.  
Harry already feels better and knows that he is going to be alright. Not now, but the future is bright and so are his hopes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it. I am actually a bit proud of myself (I mean, cmon 5000 words!!) and yeah..  
> Idk if this is what you wanted me to write, but I really hope you liked it.  
> And sorry that the end is a bit different from how you wanted it to be.


	3. And if you fall I will always catch you, I promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Hey could you do a story where Niall gets raped by a bodyguard and Liam finds him afterwards but Niall does not want to say what happened. He is totally down but tries to hide for the next few days but Liam's still worried and then the 5 lads are together backstage and the bodyguard comes in and Niall gets fucking scared so the others realize and Niall tells them everything (kind of in detail) when the bodyguard left.  
> Oh I'm totally going to hell for that!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, I don't really like it, but, meh... Haha  
> I never like what I write

(Niall-Centric)  
Niall was definitely not one for making things up, but he still blamed his imagination for feeling like Henry, their new - and completely useless (at least in his opinion) - bodyguard whom nobody really knows anything of apart from knowing that he comes from Manchester, always looks at him in a weird and creepy way and that he touches Niall whenever he gets the chance to; regardless of whether he makes Niall uncomfortable or not.  
And when Niall once tried to talk about it because it really felt like too much and he always was quite insecure about his body, Henry just waves it off and tells Niall that he is just thinking too hard and perhaps a fan would sometimes get to touch him without really caring when because I would never do such thing, believe me. I got a girlfriend back home.  
So Niall decides to shake it off.  
Because, honestly, Henry is not some obsessed teenage girl and would never do anything.  
(The bad feeling in his stomach yet continues.)  
___  
They are on their next concert, somewhere in North Carolina (cities have become just like food, the next day you've already forgotten what you had yesterday), and it is three hours before the concert and everything is going just fine.  
He, along with the others, is pouring his heart out by singing the lines to the songs they already sang a thousand times and whose melodies they know by heart. And yet it feels as incredible as it felt when they first sang 'What makes you beautiful' on stage, it fills his heart with pride and makes his rib cage hurt like it would explode at any moment. And he knows his face goes pink because he is concentrating so much, but he doesn't feel embarrassed because of it because this is what he was meant to do all the time. This is the place that was chosen for him in this world and it's right, so right.  
He looks around and sees each of the boys smiling in their own way and in a way feels complete. This could go on forever and he would never get tired of it. And the weird thing is that this isn't even the real concert yet, this is 'just' rehearsal. The real fun will be later.  
A voice to his right startles him. "Alright, boys. Rehearsal's over. We have to set up the last details. You can go to the kitchen, Maria made some food for you."  
Niall turns around and sees Henry already looking at him, a little smirk on his face. Niall swallows and turns around, trying not to think about it.  
After some moments he has convinced himself and knew he is already exaggerating again and shakes off the uneasy feeling he has in the pit of his stomach.  
When he sees Harry looking at him, he immediately goes over to him and together they go to the kitchen to get some food in their system.  
Niall already forgets again about Henry and the worries that come along with it.  
Really, his imagination can sometimes play tricks on him.  
___  
Niall is wedged between Harry and Liam while they are eating and he has to try hard to eat because he is laughing so much. Louis is telling one of his famous stories which are pretty hilarious and since Niall has always been one to laugh much, he cannot stop himself.  
The others of course are also laughing but he has got tears in his eyes and is shortly before choking.  
Even after another five minutes, he still has not finished his sandwish when the others have already since some minutes.  
His laughter dies down a bit and he can see that the others get a bit impatient and start fidgeting a bit.  
He doesn't want them to have to wait for him even more so he says, "You know, you can already go. I can also eat alone."  
Everybody looks relieved and he can feel it, but Liam still says, "It's no problem to wait for you, Nialler."  
NIall wants tot roll his eyes, but refrains from doing so.  
"I'm not a baby, Liam," he says. "I'm completely capable of eating on my own."  
Liam continues looking wary and unsure, but when the others stand up he follows and Niall sees them together leaving the room.  
He sighs a bit and continues eating his sandwich. Of course he can eat on his own, it's just that he has always preferred company because silence feels wrong in his ears and in silence he can think on his own with nobody interrupting his thoughts and his thoughts can be pretty unpleasant. Because when he is alone he suddenly remembers all the snarks remarks and insults people are throwing at him and the thoughts people are having about him and they genuinely make him sad.  
He doesn't hear the door open, but he hears the footsteps that suddenly occur in the room. At first he thinks it is one of the boys, but the steps are too heavy and lond for it to be one of them.  
When Niall decides to look, his heart nearly stops. He knows he really has no reason to be frightened (does he?), but he still feels nervous when Henry strikes over to him with a smirk plastered on his face.  
Niall coughs and barely finds his voice, "Do I have to go back to stage?"  
Henry sits down next to him and Niall fears the worst. "No, I just wanted to have a little talk -" if possible, Henry's smile widens even more at that "- with you."  
Niall wants to gag. He doesn't want to be able with Henry and he does not think that it is going to change, ever. The queasy feeling in his stomach gets back again.  
He doesn't trust his voice right now, so he simply nods.  
"Niall, when I started here some weeks ago, you immediately caught my eye. Of course I'm not saying that the other boys here aren't beautiful, it's just that you are so innocent and small and your big blue eyes just seem to scream out fuck me." He makes a pause at that and Niall wants to make a run for it, but his whole body seems to be frozen and stuck in place. He can feel his face turning into a look of pure horror.  
"So, I decided to come to you because, since you are so innocent and all, you would never come to me and make the first move. That'd be against your ideals, I guess. So here I am and I can already promise you that we are going to have much fun."  
Niall begins shaking his head. "No," he whispers and then it is like a mantra in his head. No,no,no. "Please, don't," he whispers, his words nothing more than a breeze that doesn't come far and disappears in the air.  
"Oh, come on," Henry says and his hands grab Niall's. "We both know you want it."  
Niall's hand want to detach themselves from Henry's ones, but the bodyguard is just too strong.  
"No," Niall says again and this time, his voice is stronger and he finds the courage to send Henry a look of pure hatred.  
Henry ignores him and instead his mouth moves onto Niall's.  
Before the latter knows what is happening, a soft mouth is planted onto his ones and a tongue is pressed against his lips. He tries to move away, but one of Henry's hands moves behind his head and holds it pressed against his own one while the other hand now holds both of Niall's thin and fragile wrists tightly so that the grip will probably bruise.  
Niall tries to say something, but no word leaves his mouth. The grip on his head is so tight he can't move it anywhere. And then his head suddenly gets pulled so fast and he opens his mouth to let out a scream, but Henry's mouth already is against his one again and then there is another tongue in his mouth and he feels so disgusted he wants to vomit. He feels Henry's spit entering his mouth and his gag reflex comes to life. He feels like he cannot breathe anymore.  
And then the mouth leaves his one again and he can finally breathe again and for some moments the only thought he is having are breathe in, breathe out. He feels relieved when Henry's hand leave his ones, but stays where he is because he seriously can't think of anything else than oxygen.His eyes are closed so he doesn't have to see Henry, but then he suddenly gets pulled up and thrown onto the table, face first. He squishes his face and his head starts hurting.  
"Please," he says. "Please, don't. I didn't do anything."  
He hears a lunatic laugh behind him and already knows there is no chance for him to get out of this.  
He wants to stand up, but then a hand gets on his back and refrains him from doing anything except being pressed further onto the table.  
He moans because it is starting to get painful.  
Behind him he hears a belt being buckles and then he hears it hitting the floor. The hand leaves it back but before he can react in any way, both of his hands are grabbed and pulled tightly on his already hurting wrists.  
He cries out and tears spring into his eyes. "Please," he whimpers again.  
"I know you want it, whore."  
"No, please." His head starts throbbing even more.  
He feels Henry kneeling down and hears him grabbing the belt.  
And then it is wrapped around his wrists and the blood circulation stops and he cries out again. He doesn't want this. "Please."  
He hears it before he feels it, but a something hits down hard on his head and makes his vision go black for quite some moments. He screams out a little and starts fully crying.  
"Shut up. Or there will be worse consequences."  
A weight presses down on him and he can feel Henry's breath tickling his ear.  
He wants to say something, but no coherent thoughts can be formed in his head. "Now, slut, the real fun begin," Henry says and although it is only a whisper, Niall can hear it very loudly. He whines and moans out in pain. Henry seems to think that it was a moan of pleasure. "That's right, moan for me."  
He tries to say something, make Henry stop or at least go softer. But he is still crying and his nose gets full of snot and he can only breathe through his mouth and he wheezes more than actually breathes.  
Henry starts kissing down his neck and creating love bites on his skin, not caring whether he actually hurts Niall or not.  
From time to time, he moans and laughs a bit.  
When he has come tot he end of it and the t-shirt starts, he gets up again and Niall feels relieved for some moments before he feels Henry's big and strong hands go under his t-shirt at the end of it and then his hands go higher and higher and take the shirt with them and Niall feels air coming to his back and goosebumps arise on his skin and he feels Henry's stares cutting through him like knives and he doesn't like it at all.  
Henry moans and Niall feels his cheeks hear up. "God," Henry says. "You're so fucking beautiful and innocent. I just want to mark you."  
Even more tears find their way down Niall's cheeks and fall onto the table. He is on full sobbing now.  
He is not prepared, no, he isn't at all. But then Henry suddenly grabs his jeans and pulls them down and Niall loses it and screams.  
He doesn't want this, it wasn't supposed to end up like this. This can't be happening, he thinks. No,no,no.  
"Please," he whimpers again although he knows the consequences.  
Immediately a slap is landed on his cheek that isn't lying on the table. He groans out.  
"Shut up, bitch."  
And then his boxers get pulled and he just wants to die. He wants to die or sleep and never wake up, doesn't want to feel like this, this pain - so raw and blunt like nails scraping against his skin again and again and never stopping and it hurts more and more with every passing second and the scratching still continues and the skin starts to bleed and flesh is scratched and the pain intensifies and no, I can't do this anymore.  
His eyes are closed and he does his best to prepare himself for the pain he is about to feel, but when he hears Henry spitting and probably rubbing the spit on his cock, it is enough and he cannot stop thinking anymore and the tears come and his brain is a mess and why won't someone come? What did I do?  
He knows the pain which is about to come with be excruciating and that he will probably cry even more and be scared for forever, but when it actually comes he thinks that it is nothing like he thought it would be. His arse gets torn apart it hurts with every single move Henry is making and he is just an inch or so in Niall and still Niall feels as stuffed and full like never before and he wants to say no, please, it hurts so much, but his tongue seems tied and he cannot really say anything apart from screaming his lungs out and let his tears speak for themselves.  
He screams and screams and screams, but Henry yet continues invading him and destroying his anal tunnels and marking him and then a hand is clasped over Niall's mouth and he can hear a voice, Henry's voice, loudly saying, "I said, Shut. Up. Bitch. Gonna teach you a lesson."  
Niall tries to say something, tell Henry he cannot breathe and needs air, but nothing leaves his mouth. His nose is still full of snot and slime because of his crying and now that his mouth is closed too, he fears for his life.  
Henry has now fully entered him and the stretching seems to go on forever and his head can't choose between the pain in his arse or the fact that he cannot breathe and everything is just jumbled and the air is getting less and black spots appear in his vision and he feels himself weakening and Henry is still thrusting in and out and the pain does not stop and he cannot think, why is everything so hard? Why does it hurt so much? I don't want this.  
And then he thinks that maybe dying now wouldn't be so bad, because then he wouldn't have to bear this and wouldn't have to feel anymore and yeah, that'd be really good.  
He is just shortly before slipping out of his body and collapsing and going unconscious when the hand suddenly leaves his mouth and he can breathe again and he is gasping for air, spluttering and snorting while his body automatically takes in the air it needs and he fucking despises Henry, he thinks.  
Henry just grunts and continues on assaulting Niall like he is a doll and can't feel anything.  
Niall doesn't even try to stop him anymore. It's all just too much.  
"Oh yeah," Henry says and pushes even harder and pulls even faster and Niall thinks he is bleeding down there. Yeah, it really feels like it. It isn't that dry down there anymore. Maybe, he thinks, it also is his cum that is already leaking. That thought is even more unappealing. Niall shakes his head.  
The whole procedure continues for about five minutes with Henry's occassional moans and slaps and sentences like Scream for me bitch or Don't enjoy this too much, slut and Niall thinks he can hear the angels sing because if possible, Henry's cock is hardening even more and Niall can suddenly see the end of the tunnel and feels better again.  
Henry gives an especially loud moan and Niall barely finds the courage to say, "Please, don't cum in me."  
Henry just laughs and says, "Don't act like you don't like it. I know you do, babe."  
And then he is cumming and Niall squeezes his eyes even more shut and he groans in disgust and why, why, why. Niall wants to get rid of his skin, to tear it apart and leave the shell somewhere he will be never able to find it again. Or better, he wants to burn it down so that the ashes fly around and be free and never come back to him.  
He barely hears what Henry is saying, something along the lines of, "You better don't tell anyone."  
And Niall thinks, I wouldn't either way, but decides not to say anything because he knows that Henry can be pretty harsh and blunt and he doesn't want to have this again, never.  
The footsteps leave and Niall can finally breathe freely again.  
He sinks down to the floor and starts having a panic attack and wants to go into fetal position, but everything hurts too much so he just lies there and tries to breathe and get his thoughts back toether.  
This goes on for quite some minutes and then he is finally able to pull his boxers and jeans up because he fears someone could see him like this, so vulnerable.  
He tells himself that everything is going to be alright and that he will recover and that this pain is just temporary and yeah, I can do it. As slowly as he can, he gets up and stands up, a little bit with his knees buckled, but standing nonetheless. He thinks he really has to throw up now because he can feel a substance running down the crack of his arse and he is so thankful that his shorts are black because that way there can't really be anything seen.  
The tears are still running and he is just standing there and then he suddenly hears footsteps down the hall and he gets scared because what if it is Henry again? He wouldn't be able to survive that. At the thought, he cries even harder and then the door gets opened and he doesn't dare breathe.  
But then it is 'just' Liam. Niall's shoulders immediately hunch and his whole posture relaxes. He wants to act nonchalantly, but then he suddenly sees Liam's surprised and worried face and knows he is fucked.  
He probably looks really bad, with his face red and blown up and snot on it and his eyes teary and red and sqishy.  
"Oh my god," Liam says and Niall already fears the worst. Liam rushes over to him, his face worried and his pupils blown wide. "What happened, Niall? Are you alright?"  
Niall coughs once to find his voice. Even then, it is shaky. "Yeah," he says and doesn't have an excuse to make up. "It's just, Mum had a car accident back home, nothing big, but I still worry, you know?"  
He stuffs his hands in his pockets for he fears Liam could see that they are in tight fists. He looks down after speaking to make it even more believable.  
"I'm so sorry," he hears Liam say and the next moment he is engulfed in a hug and that's when he really breaks down. Liam probably thinks Liam is exsggerating because he doesn't know the truth, but Niall doesn't care. He just needs this moment to let all his guards down and let himself cry his heart out. He needs this.  
He doesn't realise he is having a panic attack, but then he hears Liam's sweet voice gently saying, "It's alright, Nialler. Just breathe. She'll be okay." Niall thinks, I have no worries that she won't, it's just me. I don't think I'll be able to forget this.  
Of course, he says none of that. He fears the consequences Henry told him about and that Liam will look at him like someone so heavily scarred that he will never be able to do anything on his own anymore and he feels humiliated because he let it happen, let Henry take his virginity.  
It takes some more minutes for Niall to finally calm down and then he just says, "I need to go to the toilet."  
Liam is silent for some moments. "Do you want me to accompany you? Are you sure you are alright?"  
"Yah, of course. I can go alone, Liam." He passes him a tight smile and tries to act normal.  
Liam doesn't press him, nor does he follow him.  
Niall doesn't know whether to feel thankful or hurt.  
___  
In the bathroom, Niall doesn't dare look down at himself. He locked the door and checked twice, just to be sure. And now he can't bring himself to look down, see how it looks. But he knows he has to. So, slowly - as if not to hurt himself further (if that's possible) -, he pulls down his jeans and the boxers along with them and the sight when he looks down is all but appetizing. His whole area around the hole is red and little spots of white and some blood even reaches his knees. He is shortly before vomiting.  
With shaking hands he reaches up to grab the tissues that are next to the sink. He fears they aren't enough. And then he starts at the area around his knees and goes further up and up and the whole time he shakes and silent tears are escaping him when he reaches his hole. He doesn't dare touch it, really.  
But he still touches it and then he just wants to scream because the pain is so intense and it feels like too much but he still dabs around it and cleans everything up. He knows he has to.  
And when he looks up again and sees the tissues scattered around the whole sink, he wonders how much blood he has lost.   
And when he puts his boxers and jeans back on, he doesn't feel better at all. If possible, even worse. He knows he is a bit cleaner now and that Henry's prints on him are fewer, but that doesn't change the images in his head.  
He just wants to be alone and sleep a hundred years.  
___  
When Niall is told that Henry feels a little bit sick and won't be there for the rest of the day he immediately feels relieved and can enjoy everything a little bit more. Of course, he still feels like shit and the boys have asked him quite a few times whether he is alright because you're so pale, Nialler. He guesses Liam didn't tell them anything. He's thankful for that.  
The concert is not really better, his voice wavers the whole time and he can't concentrate on anything, really. More than one time he forgets it is his turn and the boys have to help him out. He can't look at all the screaming fans either, because there are some fathers within them and every time he looks at one of them, he sees another Henry in front of him and wants to cry again.  
So, in all honesty, the concert is shit. But he doesn't dare say anything to anybody because he fears their looks. He fears the consequences. They probably wouldn't believe him either way, he thinks bitterly. Who would?  
When Harry sings the last note of another meaningless song and all five of them rush back behind the stage again, he immediately is bombarded with questions.  
"Are you alright, Niall?" He thinks he hears Harry's voice saying that.  
"You sick, mate?" Louis.  
But Zayn and Liam stay quiet and say nothing. He knows that Liam knows the truth (lie) and therefor doesn't say anything and Zayn has always been one to look right through Niall. So he doesn't wonder.  
He turns around and says, "I'm fine."  
He doesn't believe himself.  
But nobody pushes him and asks more questions. They all kind of walk away then and leave him alone.  
Shouldn't his best friends be more curious?, he asks himself.  
___  
The next day everything kind of just goes down. He has not slept at all that night because every time he closes his eyes, images of Henry kissing him come to his mind and the pain in his arse comes back.  
The others look a bit weirdly at him at the breakfast table, but nobody asks him.   
So he is fine, he thinks. Fine,fine,fine.  
And then Henry suddenly enters the kitchen and Niall can feel his breath hitching and his heartbeat picking up. He grabs the fork extra tight and can see his knuckles turning white.  
He really hopes Henry is leaving again. He has no such luck.  
From the corner of his eye, he can see Henry walking just towards their table. Niall is shortly before a panic attack. Please, he thinks. No.  
He hears Liam next to him murmur, "Are you alright, Ni?"  
He wants to answer, but he can't. He fears his voice will give him out.  
When Henry sits down next to Harry (who also is next to Niall), Niall's had enough. He can't do this.  
"I, um," he says and his voice cracks. He stands up. "I have to go."  
He rushes out of the room without looking back and leaves no time for anybody to answer.  
He is crying before he reaches the end of the hall.  
___  
He knows someone must have followed him when the door to the janitor's closet suddenly gets opened and Liam stands in front of him.  
"Hey," he whispers and crouches down next to Niall. "It's alright."  
He lightly hugs Niall. Niall hides his face in Liam's chest and wets his tshirt with his tears.  
"I'm sorry," he wails and suddenly can't keep quiet about it anymore. "I'm so sorry."  
Liam rubs his back. "You did nothing wrong, Niall."  
Niall shakes his head. "I swear, I didn't want to. I swear."  
Now he can feel Liam get stiff and confused. "You didn't want what exactly? What is this all about? You can't tell me that this is all because of your Mom."  
"I - it's just," Niall stumbles upon his words. He finds it hard to breathe. "He came and then he said these things and then he kissed me and - I swear, I didn't want it - forced, forced himself on me and he was so strong, so strong Liam." He is really crying and hiccuping now.  
He feels Liam freeze. "Niall, look at me," he says and lifts Niall's face up.  
Liam's face is full of worry lines and Niall already regrets having told him. "Niall," Liam says again and Niall can see tears in his eyes. "You did nothing wrong, okay? Nothing, really. Just tell who it was. Just this one thing, please. You did nothing wrong."  
Niall really wants to say it, doesn't want to feel this frightened and suppressed anymore, but when he opens his mouth nothing comes out. He looks at Liam with wide eyes.  
"I'm sorry," he breaks down again.  
"It's okay, you will be okay. It is okay," Liam says like it is some sort of mantra which he has to repeat to make sure he himself believes it too.  
They stay like that for some minutes. And Liam talks again. And asks him for the same thing. "The name Niall, please. It's important."  
Niall sniffles an loks up at him. "It's - it was... Henry." Niall feels proud of himself that he could actually say it.  
He feels Liam's posture harden and then angry and aggressive eyes look at him. "Oh," Liam says with venom in his voice. "I'm gonna kill that motherfucker. That son of a bitch is gonna wish he was never born."  
And then he is gone and Niall is alone and immediately crumbles down to the floor and hugs himself in order to feel at least a little bit safety.  
It stays like that for a while.  
___  
Niall is not sure how long he has been alone, but when Harry enters the closet it feels like the first ray of sunshine since some years.  
Harry looks sad, so sad. Niall notices tear stains on his face. He feels guilty.  
"Hey bud," Harry carefully says and crouches down to Niall's height. "Are you alright?" Okay, sorry, dumb question. I just came here to tell you that they got Henry now and he is at the police station, although he says that he didn't do anything the whole time. So there is this thing we need to do." Harry's voice wavers a bit at that. Niall fears the worst. He looks down again. "The police said we need to go to a hospital and see whether... whether there are still parts of his... sperm in you to get him."  
Niall already shakes his head. He doesn't want this. "No," he says and after some moments of silence he says it again. "No."  
Harry's face looks awfully twisted. "I know it's hard, Niall, but you have to do this. Please. He needs to get what he deserves."  
Niall still shakes his head. "I don't want to. Please don't make me."  
Harry shushes him and hugs him. Niall lays his head on Harry's shoulder and stays like that for a while while his tears soak Harry's t-shirt.  
After some minutes, Niall's eyes get kind of droopy and before he even knows it, he is fast asleep on Harry's shoulder.  
___  
Niall wakes up again in an unfamiliar room and at first needs some moments to collect himself. And then he sees that the room is white, too white, and he knows everything. He can't believe Harry.  
He said he didn't want to go to the hospital, so why is he waking up in one?  
Sometimes he really hates the boys.  
He already feels claustrophobic and anxious again when he thinks of the things the doctor(s) did to him. His eyes well up with thears.  
Before he can put any more thoughts in it, the door suddenly opens and all of the other boys enter the room. Upon seeing him, they all light up in their individual ways and it's Louis who puts him in a hug at first.  
"Nialler," he nearly screams. "How are you?" And then he can't breathe because Louis is really crushing him. He tries to indicate it, but Louis doesn't seem to notice.  
It is Liam that pulls him away. Niall wants to thank him, but when he thinks about what they did, he shuts his mouth again and looks down. He doesn't want to talk to any of them, especially Harry.  
He starts fiddling with his fingers when Harry speaks up. "I'm sorry."  
Niall snorts. "I told you not to. And you did. I hate you."  
He - and probably all of the boys - knows he is lying, but he knows the words still hurt Harry. And they damn should, he thinks.  
This is the last thing he wanted. He didn't want to end up here in hospital, tied down to the bed like a sick person, when he really isn't.  
He sees Harry's hand going for his, but he doesn't take it away. In all honesty, he kind of needs some comfort right now.  
He feels shitty.  
"I really am," Harry says and intertwines their fingers.  
Niall still doesn't look up, but decides to ask something else. "Did you at least get any, um, results?"  
He feels Harry's hand grasping his one tighter and he hears Liam speak up this time. "Yeah, um, there was still semen, um, left and yeah, they identified it as his. He's gonna get arrested."  
Niall tries to smile but fails miserably. "Okay."  
And then he looks at Harry. "Thank you," he softly says and concentrates on the green irises without looking at everything else and then he says, "I probably wouldn't have been able to do this without you," he says. "Without all of you," he adds as an afterthought.  
And the smile he is giving them then isn't fake or forced, it is real and when they all smile back at him - Harry with his dimples, Louis showing his teeth, Zayn uptight and Liam bright - he knows that he is going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed reading it, if so, kudos or whatever. Well, you don't have to do anything but it would really make me happy.. :)


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